Della Reese

Soooo here goes...
Blog number one...right now I am watching my baby sleep and attempting to relax and get myself motivated to fold laundry. Luckily for me I found a great distraction, this lovely blog.
I can't believe my little Della Reese is almost two months old. Life is so different once you become a mom, you literally look at everything differently. I never knew I could love someone so much so fast. It sounds so lifetime movie to say, but the second I held her I knew everything would change and yet  I had never felt so peacefully happy. I remember when I found out I was pregnant and freaking out and being scared. I think I was mostly scared of the unknown... Would we have a boy or girl? What would they be like? How will I know what to do? My head was spinning...and for nine months I attempted to give myself a pep talk telling myself it would all be ok. Of course in my marriage I am the one who like to plan/panic. Kyle is so relaxed and so "go with the flow, it will all work out, don't worry", and I admire that so much about him. I hope for Della's sake she is more laid back like Kyle is, and not as high strung as I am. At times it felt like I would be pregnant forever, and Della was just something we talked about from time to time. But, as we painted her room and bought her clothes and played the "what do you think she will be like" game it started to get more and more real. Then right at the end it really starts to set in that she will not live in my belly forever and she has to come out at some point. I know that sounds silly, but I was so consumed with the after she was born part I hadn't put much thought into the day she would get here. And then, Tuesday January 18th it happened, my amazing little girl decieded she was ready to come into the world.
It was the scariest, most surreal, amazing day of my life. 6am I rolled over in bed, heard a loud popping noise and quickly dashed into the bathroom. As soon as I got into the bathroom WOOSH my water broke!! At first it just felt like a dream, all I kept thinking was "holy shit this is really happening". I sat for a moment and just gathered my thoughts, today was the day I was going to become a mom. I went and woke up Kyle, telling him my water broke and we should get ready to go to the hospital. I think we were both in shock...it was really happening...
Fast forward a few hours after we were checked in the hospital in our room and comfortably (I use that word very loosly) watching Finding Nemo. I was trying my best to be cool and calm even though inside my mind was racing a mile a minute. After a few hours and an epidural (amazing) my doctor came in and calmly informed me he thought it would be best if I had a c-section. As soon as I told him I would do whatever he thought was best the whole room suddenly went into fast forward. They unhooked me and wheeled me off so fast, threw some scrubs at Kyle and pushed my bed into another room. By the time Kyle got there they had already cut me open and were getting Della out. I am glad it was so fast because it gave me no time to panic, and as soon as Kyle was by my side telling me it would be ok I started to relax. I must say that the anestegioligist I had for my c-section was AMAZING. He was sooo nice and kept me distracted until Kyle got there. He kept asking me questions and trying to get me to smile and I think had he not have been there I might have had a meltdown. I will never forget the relief I felt the moment I heard Della cry, tears ran down my cheeks knowing my little angel was ok. After they cleaned her off and did whatever else it is they do I got to see her little face before being whisked off to recovery. I was in recovery for an hour, it was pretty blurry. I just remember drifting in and out of sleep and feeling cold but thats about it. Finally they took me back to my room where Kyle was sitting holding our little Della. Seeing him sitting there looking at her...I don't think I ever loved him more then I did in that moment. He looked so natural, he was a dad. Then I held her in my arms, and I was a mom. And we were a family.
Kyle was amazing. He just kept telling me it would all be ok. When I got the epidural and was so scared he just held my hands and kept telling me he loved me. When we were in the operating room and just kept looking and me and telling me how great I was doing. When Della had to be changed or cried and I couldn't get out of bed, he changed her and held her and never complained. When I was scared to sleep he would take turns with me so one of us was always awake. When we got home we were always a team. When I had a meltdown and told him how scared and overwhelmed I was he listened and hugged me and made me feel so much better. I could go on and on about him, but I couldn't be more proud and happy about what a great dad he is. How he looks at Della and tells her how pretty she is and how much he loves her makes me love him more and more everyday.
So here we are, a family now. Della gets more perfect everyday. She knows me voice and looks for me and smiles at me and it makes me feel like I am the most important person in the world. Whenever I am frustrated or tired or overwhelmed I just need to hold her and look at her and it all melts away. I always knew someday I would be a mom, but actually being a mom is more amazing then I could ever imagine. I wish I could explain it, and you really can't understand it until you become a mom, but I can't imagine our lives without her.
Everyday gets better, and in the beginning it was really hard and felt never ending. Now there is hope, she sleeps more and is starting to have a routine and I am not as scared and freaked out. Her little personality is starting to show and everyday is something new.